The Lure of The Big TV

My husband is a gentle and wondrous soul who, most of the time, is not easily seduced by the testosterone laden advertising and chest beating that is the easy lure for some men. But, there is one thing that will glaze him over and produce a longing look that I really feel should be reserved for me, say, in the bedroom when the TV is off. It is the most amazing thing to watch. There we'll be in one of the cavernous warehouse stores talking about something we need for our home, and then the siren song of the electronics department sweeps him away. In an enchanted daze he wanders away toward his electronic siren. Who is this technological temptress? The giant TV. There is no screen big enough or flat enough. And now “hi-definition” has added its allure to the siren song.

I’ve often wondered what it is about the giant TV that is so captivating. I mean, let's be real, "flat" and "big" are not the attributes usually assoictaed with male transfixtion. After much pondering I have come to the following hypothesis: It is a result of too much Star Trek, Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise. Why? Because the way I calculate it my husband has seen hours and hours of men (my apologies to Captain Janeway, but really a few seasons can’t make up for two plus decades of Kirks, Picards, Ciscoes, and Archers) sit in a virtual throne and utter the words “on screen”. Whereupon the entire universe, arch enemy, new nemesis, or scantily clad galactic temptress appears in front of them on a huge screen while a crew eagerly awaits his orders. I also see a clear link here to the origin of the need to command the remote control. In fact, the really smart giant TV maker would create a voice command system the turned the TV on by saying things such as “make it so” or “engage”. Of course, the super smart TV maker would make it respond to the words “computer end program” or “belay that order” when said by a wife or child or unfed cat.

I’m not totally sure what snaps him out of it, but I am grateful to whatever force it is that finally releases him from the edge of this electronic worm hole. I don’t know if he’ll ever fully succumb and go where most men have gone before. But if he ever does I’ll be sure I’m not wearing a red shirt when I say “Look Jim, I’m your wife not a waitress” when he asks me to get him something cool to drink from the kitchen.